I have a few friends who are having babies right around now, and since I found the early days of parenting overwhelming, I thought I’d put together a few things that helped me. The first tip is about recovering from childbirth, but the rest are useful for anyone taking care of a newborn. 

Of course, these are just the things that helped me with my baby, so they might not be useful for you, but maybe they’ll be helpful to someone somewhere someday.

1. Bodies recover from childbirth (but not as fast as in the movies) 
   
   In my opinion, we talk a lot about pain in childbirth but not enough about what happens after. If I could time-travel, I would tell myself not to worry: “Be very gentle with yourself for forty days.” All the abuelitas are right! That’s how long it usually takes to recover. Treat it as a time to rest and trust that it’s normal for you to feel physically injured or weak or just different from how you felt before and during pregnancy. You can also ask for a referral for pelvic floor therapy, which should be standard care for postpartum recovery but isn’t in the U.S. (Thankfully, everyone I know who has asked has been able to get it, and it’s been covered by insurance.)
   
   
2. There are magic tricks for helping babies sleep 
   
   When baby E. was two weeks old, I got to meet with a lactation consultant who changed my life. She taught me how to help my baby sleep using the magic of sleep cycles. Here’s what I learned: we all have cycles of light sleep when it’s really easy to be woken up and deep sleep when it’s much harder to wake up. To put a newborn to sleep, change their diaper, feed them, and then hold them for 15–20 minutes before putting them down. They sleep so much better that way. It’s dreamy.
   
   
3. Babies like to be cozy 
   
   Putting a newborn in a swaddle helps them sleep because they feel cozy and can’t wake themselves up with their arm movements. There are lots of swaddles, so use whichever ones work for you. We got these zipper ones as hand-me-downs, and they were very easy to use. Sometimes putting the baby in the swaddle is hard because they resist it and cry, but in my experience, they’re a lot happier in the long-run so I think it’s worth it. I also used a baby wrap so that I could hold my baby close to me and use both of my hands! Devin used a wrap, too, so E. got to be extra cozy and took almost every nap like this for many months. Some of my happiest memories of the early days are of E.’s nap times snuggled close to me in the baby wrap.
   
   
4. It’s OK if you can’t “sleep when the baby sleeps”
   
   I’ve never been a big daytime napper, and that didn’t change when E. was born, but I felt guilty for not sleeping when the baby was sleeping. One day I had a lightbulb moment, I could choose in the morning to have a napping day and forego my usual cup of tea or I could have a cup of tea with the understanding that I probably wouldn’t be able to nap. On days that I wasn’t able to nap, I tried to let myself rest by reading a book or listening to a podcast during some of E.’s naps. It made me feel restored even if it wasn’t as restful as sleeping. 
   
   
5. Pacifiers come in many shapes and sizes 
   
   They can be really useful for helping babies calm down, but you have to find the right one for your baby. These worked best for E.
   
   
6. Turn your baby into a Tamagochi (i.e. technology can be your friend) 
   
   My favorite apps: Huckleberry (for tracking feedings, diaper changes, and even baths, especially in the first few months when the days all blend together!), The Short Years (for making a baby book in the easiest way possible), One Second Every Day (for making it easy to capture the magic of time passing and babies growing).
   
   
7. Count on your friends, family, professionals, and even strangers 
   
   Taking care of a newborn is so intense, and pretty much everyone who has ever done it is on your team, willing to share advice and give you encouragement! I say “pretty much everyone” because one time I said taking care of a baby all day was hard, and someone responded, “I never found it hard,” which is great (I hope other people feel that way!), but it is also the worst possible thing to say to someone who hasn’t slept in weeks and is terrified that her baby isn’t gaining enough weight and also wonders if she’s failing to be “fully present.” Never, ever say this to anyone. Unless they’re like, “Isn’t taking care of babies easy?” Then, you can say it, but you should probably only do so in some kind of secret society/soundproof clubhouse situation.
   
   That’s slightly off-topic, but here’s my point: even if you feel like you’re all alone because it’s been a week since you left your apartment and it’s 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night, I promise you there’s someone willing to read your text in the morning or respond to your post on Reddit or Facebook right away. My friend Juliet was always up feeding her baby at the same time I was, and our text conversations were a lifeline. I had friends of friends who offered to help me go on my first walks with baby E. or just sat on my front porch and had tea with me while I asked them everything they knew about being a new parent. I had friends without kids who let me call them when they were commuting to work and told me about their regular days, which sounded so nice to me (“You went to the gym and bought a bagel? Tell me me everything!”). I also found a pediatrician that answered all my questions (even when I asked them repeatedly) and made me feel like I could handle keeping my baby happy and healthy. I’ll remember the voice she used to talk to my baby forever and ever. Ana, the woman at the front desk at the pediatrician’s office also made me feel that way. Every time we came in, she showered E. with compliments and made me feel like she was as excited to see me as I was to see her.
   
   I hope you find people like that in your life, and I know you will. I’m here, too.
   
   Love,
   Kristy